I haven't been much into crossdressing this summer at all, as I've mentioned in previous posts. But with the cooler nights, my bedroom isn't as warm as it's been, and I either have to wear something or get out a blanket. So last night I opted to wear something. Of course, it has to be nylon for me to relax and sleep well, and I felt like dressing a bit last night, so this is what I wore to bed -- one of my pretty nighties, with a lace neckline. Underneath I wore a full white nylon slip, and under that a bra with my favorite silicone breast forms. No panties, however. This photo ( Read more... ) reminds me of what I'd love right now ... someone to lift my nightie and look underneath -- and touch and play with me. Alas, I'm alone. Oh well. I can fantasize.

It's been exactly one year since my first experience naked outdoors at The Woods (a clothing-optional campground about an hour from me). I've changed in the last year, largely as a result of my experiences at The Woods.

I've been a crossdresser to some degree ever since my early teen years, when I discovered the pleasures of my mom's panties. I've mostly limited my crossdressing experience to lingerie -- panties, especially, which I've worn pretty much full time for the last 25 years. In the early years I did what many crossdressers do -- because of feelings of guilt or "abnormality," whatever that is, they try and stop, purge (get rid of all the clothing), and try to go "straight" again. Fortunately I learned relatively early that the urges to crossdress aren't easily dismissed -- controlled, perhaps, but they don't just go away because you've purged or think you don't want to crossdress any longer. For most crossdressers, it becomes a permanent way of life to at least some degree.

But over the last year or so (you can watch the progression in this blog if you've followed it that long), I found something that was even more of a turn-on for me than crossdressing -- an even more powerrful desire -- and one that was largely incompatible with crossdressing. That urge was for nudity -- being naked -- sans clothing of any kind.

The more time I spent naked, the more I wanted to BE naked. And when I started experiencing intentionally being naked in front of others (in an appropriate atmosphere), which for me just started a year ago at The Woods, the more I became comfortable with my own body and the more I wanted to be naked with others again. Obviously you can't be naked and crossdress at the same time, so one of those desires had to override the other. Nudity has won, at least so far -- and I'm happy about that.

A year ago I was still very self-conscious about my body: my weight, my slightly asymmetrical shape, and especially my short penis (very short when soft, but about average when erect). In one year that has changed about 180 degrees -- not my body, unfortunately, but my self-consciousness -- it has pretty much disappeared completely. Now I eagerly look forward to situations where I'm naked in front of others (always appropriate situations -- I'm not referring to illegal or inappropriate exhibitionism). I don't worry so much about what I look like because I know there are many others like me -- my defects are, for the most part, not very unique at all, especially my short penis, which was the major cause for being self-conscious previously. I'm now at the point that if you said you wanted to see me naked, I'd strip in a minute and not feel self-conscious about it (although I'd still have to be comfortable that you definitely wanted to see me that way!).

Obviously, I can't be naked all the time in our society -- I'd quickly be labeled a lunatic and put away. But one of the ways I discovered to preserve a small part of that wonderful feeling of being naked is to go commando when I do have to dress -- be naked underneath my outer clothes, which means wearing no underwear, including my beloved panties. I still have my huge collection of panties, bras, and other lingerie, and have no plans to get rid of any of them. But I haven't worn them or any of my pretty things for almost six months. That amazes me -- I haven't gone that long without crossdressing since I started as a teen! But the urge to be naked or at least go commando has, so far, been greater. I do still spend some time reading online about crossdressing, and do some panties "window" shopping, but I haven't bought any new panties in the last year, either, which is also a record for me. I have no desire to set a record in that regard -- I'm just waiting it out, and don't plan to resist the urge when it returns, but neither am I trying to change things one way or the other. I'm just taking things one day at a time, and taking notes. It's been an interesting journey so far, and it will be interesting to see where this goes over the next year or two.

I strongly suspect that as the weather gets colder, the urge to dress will once again show itself -- I like wearing pantyhose on very cold days to help keep warm, and at night I like wearing a nylon slip, panties and bra to bed instead of sleeping nude as I do in the summer. I won't resist any of those urges, most likely, assuming they return. What will happen next summer when the weather warms up again? Will the urge to be naked once again override the urge to dress? Stay tuned and we'll find out!

I was off work today and spent most of the day naked at the Woods again. Weather was gorgeous, pool was cool but comfortable once you were in for a few minutes. There were lots more guys around today, almost two dozen, some very nice eye candy, plus one special one. I've got more of an all-over tan than I've ever had in my life. I like it.

When I was in NYC yesterday, I walked past a news stand and spotted "Playgirl" magazine. I didn't even know this was still published; it's been years since I browsed through an issue. But they always had some great looking guys in them, so on the impulse of the moment I bought a copy. It's a much thinner magazine than I remembered, but has some good articles and several great photo spreads of some gorgeous guys. The one thing that really surprised me -- of about six different photo spreads of guys, all six included one or more photos with full erections! One spread even featured an extreme closeup of an erection -- really hot. I don't recall that being the case years ago -- it was pretty exciting just to see full frontal male nudity, but you never saw erections in magazines like this. One spread even included photos of the guy being sucked off by a gorgeous nude female. I still have to go back and read some of the articles now. But I keep getting distracted by the photos.

I've occasionally thought about trying my hand at writing erotic fiction. I know I would enjoy it, but I'm not sure how much others would enjoy it. I got inspired yesterday to try getting a story in writing that had been on my mind a short time. It turned out to be a little longer in written form than I expected it to be (most of it is behind the cut), and you may find it too much to read, but here it is if you'd like to try it out. I basically wrote it in four hours last night, and spent another hour on editing today before posting it here. I probably should try and edit it down a little more, and maybe I will if anyone likes this. Your comments would be appreciated!

CRUISING AT THE POOL
A Story
©2006 Spillikins

It was one of the most exciting experiences of my adult life. Let me start at the beginning and tell you what happened.

( Click to read the full version )

This is kinda funny ... if only it were true!

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 85% Supergirl 75% Green Lantern 70% Spider-Man 65% Robin 45% Wonder Woman 45% Batman 40% Iron Man 40% The Flash 35% Catwoman 30% Hulk 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I was able to spend a few hours again on Friday at The Woods, naked, of course, the entire time. I didn't arrive until almost 4 PM, though, and campers were beginning to arrive for the weekend. There were a lot of people there -- more than I've ever seen there before, in fact -- and not just guys! There were at least two lesbian couples there, also (not nude, though, unfortunately). It was the first time I ever saw women there.

Despite it being a very warm day, less than half the guys were completely naked. I've been puzzled about that (as I've noted in previous posts) from the first day I visited there last year. I'm naked from the moment I get out of my car until I have to get back in my car to leave -- and not, obviously, because i have anything worth showing off -- I just love being sans clothing. But some guys keep their shorts on all the time, even in the pool. It's hard for me to understand because I love being naked so much, it seems like everyone would want to be naked when they have the opportunity ... LOL ... but obviously that's not the case. I speculated here before that it might be because they were partnered, and their partner didn't want them "advertising" as it were. That may be the case in some instances, but it may be a little simpler than that. I had a conversation with a new friend there (who, like me, is naked from the moment he gets there) about this very subject, and he thinks it's just plain old shyness, the way most people are about taking their clothes off in front of others. It has nothing to do with being partnered or not, and nothing to do with having a great body or not -- they're just afraid to take their clothes off with others around, especially outdoors and in "public." I suspect he may be right.

Most of the guys at The Woods are gay or bisexual. I always had the idea that if you were gay or bi, you also loved being naked even around others. Obviously that's a misconception on my part. Nudity is certainly much more common in the gay/bi world, but it's not a given.

One nice side effect of some of the guys remaining dressed, at least for me, is that it heightens the sense of nakedness for those of us who are nude. If you're a little exhibitionistic, that's a nice feeling! But my first choice would be for everyone to be nude. I think that would increase the comfort level for everyone, too -- at least for those of us who love being naked!

Yesterday was my second visit this year to The Woods, my favorite clothing-optional campground about an hour from me. It was such a beautiful day, and although I could only spend a couple of hours there, decided it was worth the drive. I've been working waaaaay too many hours lately (hence the rare updates here the last month), and really needed some time for myself, even if it was only a couple of hours.

I was wearing only shorts, a tank top, and sandals as I drove up the gravel driveway to the campground. As I closed the gate across the road behind me (it's not motorized -- you have to get out of the car to open and close it), I pulled off my tank top and slipped out of my shorts, and drove the last half mile to the parking area. I stepped out of the car to register at the front office, now completely naked (sandals don't count, do they?), paid my daily fee, and headed for the pool.

There were at least eight or ten other guys already there, half of them naked and the other half in swim trunks. I haven't figured out yet why all of them aren't naked, especially around the pool area; my guess is that they are partnered, and their partners don't want them "advertising" their wares -- these guys are mostly all hotties, with no reason NOT to be naked!

Anyway, I spent about 20 minutes lying in the sun, wondering if I dared jump in the cold pool. Finally a couple of other guys jumped in the pool, managing to stay in the water 10 or 15 minutes, so I figured it wasn't TOO cold, and decided to give it a try. Well, it was c-o-l-d -- and my penis and balls promptly disappeared into my groin, trying to keep warm! The cold water took my breath away, but I persisted, and eventually got all the way in and swam and floated for almost 20 minutes before I started getting cold and decided to get out and warm up again.

Instead of drying off, I decided to go for a walk around the lake and "air dry." On my second trip around the lake, a thin redhead hottie I had seen by the pool was walking toward me. I had noticed him in particular before because not only was he well hung, but had a gorgeous huge (#0 guage) PA (Prince Albert piercing) in the end of his penis. Now I am really fascinated with PAs, and have been contemplating getting one for a couple of years, not having yet had the nerve to actually go through with it. But I stopped and talked to him a while and asked him some questions about his PA, and he was all too happy to talk about it and answered every question I had. He didn't seem to mind my looking at it, either, although I tried not to stare, which was very difficult with him right there at arm's length! I wanted so badly to ask him if I could touch it and see what it felt like, but I didn't have the nerve to go that far, so I missed the opportunity -- maybe next time. However, he refueled my desire to get a PA, so I'm all that much closer to getting one. I plan to wait until I'm off work a few days in a row, however, so I can give it a good start on the healing process without having to worry about work interfering. More on that in another post down the road, I'm sure.

Time passed all too quickly, and I had to head back to my car and head off for home. After a quick shower, I very reluctantly pulled on my shorts and top again and drove home. I can't wait to go back again; I really love being naked outdoors!

I had dinner tonight at a Dave & Busters. The female wait staff had a great method for helping guys remember their names. They had large name tags, and wore them on their uniform pinned right at the very tip (in front of the nipple)) of their left breast! I had to keep staring to try and remember my waitress's name, but after about an hour I got it, and I'm sure she appreciated the fact that I noticed and remembered her name. Just trying to be an appreciative customer! One particularly large breasted waitress almost caught me in the eye with her name tag as she brushed by me; fortunately I wasn't blinking, so I saw her coming.

Just got a notice from the LJ powers that be, that my default user pic contained nudity and was in violation of the user agreement, even though it doesn't show anything. So I've changed the default to the blue sky pic -- that should be tame enough! Seems picky to me, but I guess that's the way it is.